If a uniballer can do it, so can we...: In Search of The Montauk Monster

Being the great explorers that we are, The Bullet and I embarked on a colossal expedition to capture the infamous Montauk Monster. Jon told me about this abominable looking creature that washed ashore dead on a beach in Montauk. I was intrigued that no one could identify this beast, or better yet capture this creature alive; and so armed with my infinite experience of hunting mythical creatures, I, along with Jon, traveled via the Long Island Rail Road to the town of Riverhead. From there, we trekked and traversed many hills passing along the towns of Hampton Bays, Southampton, Sag Harbour, and East Hampton before finally reaching the eerie town of Montauk. Icy fog covered the whole township. There was no doubt that the weather gods were colluding with the monster to hide its damned resident. We searched the whole town but alas we found no beast. The Montauk Monster may have eluded us this time but we swear in the name of our great ancestors, Lewis and Clarke, we will not rest until this beast is captured and its head on Jon's dinner plate.